Welcome to an all new web-series about the misadventures of two idiotic screen printers (Bobby Pickles and Matthew Piazza) and their crew of ragtag misfits. In this first episode, Bobby discusses his self-loathing identity as a "Floridiot" and Piazza comes up with a #TSHIT idea. Music by the illustrious Nick Ameen.
FLORIDA, HOME SCUM HOME - (Skit Transcribed)
Pickles: Yo, Piazza. Have you ever heard of Carl Hiaasen?
Pickles: He writes for the Miami Herald. He’s also wrote a shit-ton of novels about Florida and how fucked up and scummy of a place it is.
Piazza: Oh! He’s probably a good read.
Pickles: That he is. The characters in his books are all miscreants, pure scum: thieves, lowlifes, shady politicians – all inspired by real people and true events. You’d be a great character in one of his books.
Piazza: What!? Why would I be a great character? Fuck you.
Pickles: He’s quoted as saying "The Sunshine State is a paradise of scandals teeming with drifters, deadbeats, and misfits drawn here by some dark primordial calling like demented trout. And you'd be surprised how many of them decide to run for public office."
Piazza: Those other things may be true, but I’d never run for public office. You see, I’m a true scum. I only care about myself. I have no care at all for the public. And yes, I was drawn here, but you were born here. You were born amongst the scum. You were germinated in scum. Plus, you don’t even know what a trout looks like and you were raised in a fishing village.
Pickles: Yea, but both of my parents were from Connecticut. I come from carpetbagging northerners, not rednecks. They were the ones who, like you, were scum. They moved here then had me. I had no choice in the matter. But at leas I’m self aware. The place they grew up had history. The place I grew up had humidity. Their place of birth had family values. Mine had family issues.
Piazza: I think it’s really nice of your parents to save you the trip from up north, because you would have ended up here anyway.
Pickles: Piazza, you’re absolutely right. I am a Floridiot. It’s true. And I was born here. This is also a fact. But one fact remains, my friend. You made a conscious decision to move here. You took all the change out of your couch, you collected all of the cans you could, and rumor has it that you gave at least two hand jobs to get down here. And, if you tipped the continental United States a little bit, all the scum and sludge would drip all the way down the peninsula, down North Dixie highway … right past our shop.
Piazza: Yea, well I dripped into it.
Pickles: And I’m happy you did, you little scum.
Piazza: That makes one of us.
Pickles: I’d like to cite my outspoken Uncle Mark, who solidified this for me in words, “All the scums from all the different states move to Florida to start over”.
Piazza: Well, it sounds like your Uncle Mark is a wise man.
Pickles: Yea, he really is. But then again, half of us live here.
Pickles: Florida is a scumbag state and I will probably run for Governor someday.
Piazza: (Snaps) I just had a wicked good idea for a t-shirt.
FAT ENZO is happy to report that we are no longer located in mom's garage.
Now, you may find us nestled comfortably in back of Living Legacy Tattoos -
901 N DIXIE HWY, WEST PALM BCH, FL 33401.
We love our customer base in the northeast, but we have to print locally in south Florida for awhile. We'll be back.
Jason 3D, bassist of The Jasons, designed this Dying Scene Radio mashup t-shirt: The Bobs vs. The Jasons
SALT FACED - a level of intoxication one can only achieve by living a drunken, debaucherous beach lifestyle.
The inspiration behind the SALT FACED logo is none other than the illustrious Ben Coletti - whose ridiculous beach lifestyle is the stuff of legend amongst tourists and locals alike, in the Village of John's Pass, Madeira Beach, FL. This photo was taken at a point of intoxication almost unsurpassable. In the middle of a sun-filled day with at least 100 Bud Light beers under his belt, he turned to the camera with the look of complete and total inebriation and a dumb enough wit to somehow keep it all together.
It is also important to note that, Alexander Benjamin Coletti, at no point whatsoever, had anything to do with the creation or conceptualization of this witty, awesome T-SHIT graphic. And, his face can easily be substituted for that of Earnest Hemingway, if FAT ENZO sees fit.
We’ve been partnered up with the Florida LOCAL brand for some time - they have many varying color ways and one-color prints for both Men and Women - and that’s been great for them so far, but they wanted us to produce more detailed multi-color designs. Therefore, we began instituting for them some CMYK process printing. This is a process that utilizes four screens with four different colors - C (cyan), M (magenta), Y (yellow), and K (black). The colors are screen printed wet on wet, so as to mix together, creating the illusion of unlimited colors. Check out this short video highlighting the process with one of the new Florida LOCAL designs!
This is Jason 3D - bassist/vocalist of The Jasons - four mongoloid brothers pissing people off with their immature antics and playing pure Red-Blooded American Punk Rock from Crystal Lake, NJ! Check out the interview that Bob Noxious and Bobby Pickles conducted with them on Dying Scene Radio, and subscribe to their web series. Great music and top notch ridiculousness! Here's ThreeDee rockin' our BB Allin design. You can purchase yours right HERE.
FAT ENZO is a custom t-shirt print shop, located in the Greater New York Metropolitan Area, owned and operated by Bobby Pickles, a self-described Podcaster/T-shirt Peddler. Pickles is the co-host of the popular weekly punk rock podcast, Dying Scene Radio, which is the official internet radio show of the music news website, DyingScene.com. Pickles is currently in search of an artist to partner with on a line of punk rock t-shirts for Dying Scene. The perfect candidate would share similar tastes in music, have a decent grasp of punk rock culture, able to draw/trace/illustrate realistic faces of famous people, possess an uncanny talent of Adobe Photoshop/Illustrator or any other comparable raster/vector graphics software, retain an understanding of t-shirt artwork (less colors, lines not too thin, half-tones, white underlays, typography), and a basic knowledge of silk-screen printing; although, it’s not absolutely necessary, just a plus. More than anything else, the perfect art director will know how to work with a copywriter. With a B.A. in English and a diversely creative background, Pickles is the quintessential concept person. Our potential partner must be able to work in a team setting via in-person or the internet, delivering artwork, which captures the concept communicated. The artist is welcomed and encouraged to participate in the conceptualization of the artwork as well; however, once again, this is not a deal breaker, just a plus. Because this is a business partnership, the individual will not receive upfront payments for his/her artwork; instead, he/she will receive a profit share per each T-shirt sold. This is an entrepreneurial venture, so we are looking for someone with an entrepreneurial spirit, which means they need to be committed to producing the quality of artwork that will sell. Leave the marketing and printing to us. All we need is a likeminded, talented graphic artist/illustrator to join our team and we’ll be unstoppable! A quick wit and sarcastic humor wouldn't hurt either. Email Bobby Pickles if you want to know more.